A couple years ago I suffered depression from a combination of stress at work and my husband stripping me of any parental authority. Then a month into therapy for depression I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
My husband knew how stressful work was and I begged him to hire me. He had started his own business after being layed off where we both worked. I made it through two more downsizing at work but the added work load and fear of losing my job just became too much. It hurt that my husband business was grossing 1.2 million dollars yet he wouldn't hire me because he said I need to keep existing job for health insurance. I put a lot of undo stress on myself trying to keep that job. To add insult my husband hired several secretaries and hid this from me.
Well like I said work was overwhelming so I took a week vacation and took my son out of state to visit my mom. Husband wouldn't go. Only saw my mom 3 times in 10 years and husband never went. Had such a beautiful stress free vacation. Came home and knew next day was work and no one does my job when I'm out so I knew there would be twice as much work to do. I was working long hours with no pay for couple years to be able to get work done. Always a fear of the next round of lay offs that work kept telling us was coming. The next morning I got up a suddenly I knew I could not go to work. It was just too much to deal with. Then two days went by and I couldn't get myself to go. So I decided to go to hospital to see why I was so depressed and what could be done. I was so afraid I was going ti Lise my job. Well at some point they asked if I ever thought of suicide. I answered yes but only fleeting thought. That I had a family and don't believe in suicide. Well that was big mistake. They asked me to admit myself for care. Thought that was good option. Stayed 3 days in place that had nonfunctioning people who either wanted to hurt somebody or themselves. I was scared to death in there. I could not believe they put me in with these people. No way to lock door and both male and females were together. I was so angry with hospital they told me I'd be in regular room by myself with TV just like I was familiar with from being in hospital for surgery. That place was like a nightmare. People on floors incoherent, looked like strung out junkies. Then they tell me people are in there because they wanted to hurt people. I just stayed in room and prayed and prayed. Finally 3 days were over and I was released. I asked if there was support group or therapy group for depression. I found a group one and was estatic thinking I'd be fine after 6 month program was over.
Like I said before it was then that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My depression got worse.
I had my breast removed. My husband came for first surgery but not for the next six surgeries. After first surgery my husband wouldn't sleep with me any more. Hurt like hell but I made up excuses for him that it's just difficult for him and it will get better. Well it didn't. My mother cared for me throughout first year coming to our home.
The second year if surgeries I had to stay at her home due to her taking care of me and my sister who had major surgery. My husband never came to visit or bring my 13 year old to see me. Not once did he call ti see how i was His mother died during one of my surgeries. Even with all these tubes and drain and extra pain I went to her funeral.
In between surgeries when I would come home my husband was so cold and acting bitter that I was there. I just thought he was having difficult time with my cancer and his mom dying. Then after next surgery I come home and I see boxes stacked in our bedroom. I asked what they were and he said he had dine laundry for me and boxed them. I jokingly said what are you doing divorcing me. he said no.
Well after next surgery my day after Christmas gift was him asking for divorce. I began vomiting. I couldn't believe I just heard those words. I said I asked you this several months ago and you said no. He said well I guess I lied.
28 years of marriage and he wanted divorce. I was then on disability. Went from $40,000 salary down to $18,000.00. Also through out the 2 years of the cancer and depression my son was being alienated from me. At times my son wasn't even speaking to me and I had no idea why. Later I was to find out it was because of his dad. My son not only told me this but also dad asked him if it was ok if he had a girlfriend. Well I hired detectives and sure enough he was having affair. Of course he told my son just old friend he goes visit and calls.
Well I added adultry charges to my contested divorce and the day he got papers he blew up and hit me. It was during my sons 15 birthday party. Thank God kids didn't see because they were in bedroom with tunes jamming on new speakers I bought him. However after I called police kids did see police there. My husband denied anything and I guess my jaw was not bruised yet. I asked to press charges and they just had my husband leave house fir the night.
I called my mom hysterical and in shock. She and my sister came over. I stayed in my room so kids wouldn't see me crying. When they got to my home they said my jaw was swollen. My sister called a friend who was police and told him what happened. He told me to go to station and ask to press charges. I did and then went to hospital for xrays. Of course my husband wasn't where he said he would be at his business but they finally reached him by phone and he turned himself in. He pleaded not guilty and got some big shot lawyer and is trying to get off. It's been four months now and he still hasn't been tried. Twelve days later he filed charges nd said I attacked him. Well this were dropped and protection order from my son was dropped. He told my son I'm mentally I'll and hit myself. My son blames me for his birthday being ruined because I didn't wait until after weekend to call police. Now he's mad at me because I won't drop charges. He wants to live with his dad. This didn't surprise me because my son ran the house. I had no authority. My husband let him sleep with us until he was 13. My son dictated everything we did or ate. Husband would let me have any say so or and rules fir my son. Son broke many expensive cimputers throwing them and going on porn sites. I'd argue with my husband over this for years. Came to point my husband would say in front if my son that I didn't live him. This is when I gabe up fighting and just let my son be the parent. Also same time I came down with depression.
My husband wants house so he's going for sole custody based on my mental illness. He took my depression and has embellished with lies to the court that he's found me in garage with car running. Also found me passed out on bathroom floor. These are blatant sick lies. I feel like I'm being framed. Even on my small salary I will have to pay $245.00 a month if he gets custody. I had filed for shared custody because I believe both parents deserve equal time. Well I've had to go to foresic psychologist, and our son has guardian ad litem.
I believe based on my son now being 15 he will end up with our son.
The last 7 months have been hell and torture.
I know I deserve much more of a man than he's been to me. But I'm struggling to accept that at age 54 I'm losing my son, my home and my husband. He makes out like a rose and I lose everything I worked for. Thought I was going to be retired now and finally enjoying myself. Instead I'm trying to live on $18,000. While my husband will have my sin, my home, and my child support. How can a human being do this to a person.
When I need him most he was out every day having sex with her. He even paid himself. I'd be a prostitute if I got paid for sex.
Other devious things he's done since he'd been planning this for two years is hidden several $100,000 in cash. Moved vehicles into company that my name us not on so I don't get have the company. He's canceled credit cards and his life insurance. I've already expended $17,000 in legal fees. God only knows what he's spent. I feel like I'm being framed for going to seek help for depression.
I had to sign hippa release firms for all my medical because this is a custody hearing.
It feels like being raped.
I have good days and bad days. It's like being on an emotional roller coaster. Afraid to go to counseling now because it's like being filmed. Whatever I say is an open book.
My husband even filed a motion to try to get our son from me because I've cried and accused me of being unstable. I've had temporary custody for 4 months. I even gave my husband 6 hours a week mire time than I with our son. Part of that time is every weekend because I thought it right thing to do since I don't work. But my son still not happy because he wants dad in our home. I understand that but it's my home too. It's paid for and worth over $500,000. It was custom made and I did all interior decorating and created all the family memories here. I think if Christmas and how my son and I would always put baby Jesus in his manager Christmas morning and saying happy birthday Jesus. Now my son claims he's atheist and doesn't want me here.
My husband has done so many thing to brainwash my son. My husband said he would play dirty and make sure my son hates me. This is all because I contest the divorce and didn't accept his offer for two properties we own. They are junk and are rentals. His over was only about 25% of our total assets.
Why he thinks I should have rolled over and said ok dear I don't understand. Perhaps because I never stood my ground before.
I love my son so much but don't know best answer to fix our relationship. Husband had too much time to spoil him and make me look like the bad parent.
If I were 15 I'd want to be with who was promising me the world. I listen to my son tell me I'll be living in a do and he's not coming to visit a dump.
Pain is like knife in heart. I just keep going one day at a time and try to cherish any good moments I have with my son.
I guess I wrote this for self therapy. But my retirement is certainly not what I worked a lifetime to achieve. I didn't think this would ever happen to me.
Also how does one ever trust again.
Source: http://breast-cancer.supportgroups.com/sg/breast-cancer/husband-did-not-support-me-through
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